I acquired a late life addiction to buying paint and I am compelled to use it. Mostly to suss out dark thoughts that plague me. The images that surface often are subjects that people shy away from having conversations about. Depression, addiction, isolation and suicide are issues that I have personally experienced and have witnessed far too many people struggle with. And I have lost too many that were dear to me. I work to bring those conversations to the surface in hopes that I won’t lose any more. Every piece is a discovery, the product of me pushing paint around on a canvas. While my subconscious has a conversation with the shapes that appear. Each image arrives from some seed that was planted through experience, observations or overheard conversations.
Check out Jayne’s Instagram page below to view more of her artwork.
All too often, if addiction in all forms is left unchecked it leads to disastrous consequences. Not only for the addict themselves but for those people touched by their illness whether it be the general community, family members, and/or friends.
Addiction is common condition associated with serious mental health diagnoses and is also a chronic disease that affects the brain and the body. It causes people to seek and use drugs compulsively, despite the harmful consequences. Addiction can have a negative impact on many aspects of a person’s life, such as their relationships, work, studies, health, and well-being. Addiction can also lead to legal problems if the person uses illegal drugs or engages in risky behaviors. Addiction is not a moral failing or a lack of willpower, but a treatable condition that requires professional help and support.
My name is Eric Roguski. I’m a former elementary teacher of 11 years located in the Catskills. While I’ve always endeavored to put my utmost into teaching and protecting others from bullying and other forms of discrimination, I too have secretly struggled with many mental illnesses derived both neurologically and environmentally. My work focuses on the struggles I’ve endured personally growing up neurodivergent in a time when people did not value difference. Furthermore, my work also reflects my first-hand experiences of seeing how differences are often handled in American society by others.
I genuinely hope my work inspires others to understand that silent mental illness is real. Yet, people like us can still function just as well in society as any other person. (If not better) Furthermore, I also wish to devote my work to LGBTQA+ and other neurodivergent individuals who have to suffer prejudice and unfair bias simply because of societal expectations enforced onto others. We’re all people. We should never forget that.
Hopefully my work can inspire change and remind those who think they’re “normal” to reevaluate their position on those who are different.”
To view more of Eric’s artwork, you can go to his YouTube channel below.
My Most Important and Biggest SUCCESS Story of my LIFE:
I Suffered and Struggled for over 40 years with my Mental Health 25 years I Suffered in Silence and then during the next 15 years I worked on my Recovery but still Suffered and could not Get and STAY Mentally Well. And I went into 6 Psychiatric Hospitals, 4 Outpatient Clinics, Missed using Medicine, 22 ECT Treatments, Suicide Thoughts, and Suicide Attempt on Jan 2, 2008 and was still Suffering Unbelievably with my Mental Health which was Major Depression with a little Bipolar! Tried everything but could Not Get and STAY Mentally Well!
And then things got even worse because on Aug 8th, 2014, I will always remember that day is where Lewy Body Dementia and Suicide took Robin Williams Life! I was his biggest Fan and Robin was my Mentor regarding everything about Comedy, Improv, and all his amazing movies but for the next 2 and a half months because of what Robin Williams did I got so so Unbelievably Depressed and had to voluntarily go into my 6th and hopefully last Psychiatric Hospital on Oct 16, 2014.
But this time compared to all the other times I was an Inpatient at a Psychiatric Hospital something happened different where I had an Ah Ha Moment or Divine Intervention or whatever you want to call it that said this time I’m finally now going to Get and STAY Mentally Well! So while I’m in this Psychiatric Hospital for the next 13 days I was able to put together my own Workshop/Presentation called The 3 Amigos of Mental Health where the purpose is to share my own Mental Health Stories with my own Lived experiences in how I Suffered and Suffered in Silence for over 40 years but also tell my Inspirational, Motivational, Humorous, Relatable, and Helpful Mental Health Stories of how I Finally Got and STAYED Mentally Well right after I got discharged from my Psychiatric Hospital!
So, I finally found the right Psychiatrist, Therapist, and Medicine and kept working on my Important Recovery but is was the many types of Wellness Tools from my Wellness Toolbox and especially using HUMOR that got me to the Promised Land to Get and STAY Mentally Well! Like using Meditation, Deep Breathing Exercises, Affirmations, Creed, Prayer, GOD, Bible, Acupuncture, Nutrition, Good Sleep, Walks, A Pet, Mindfulness, and so much more! And I kept adding more and more to my own Workshop/Presentation called The 3 Amigos of Mental Health and started Speaking and Performing all over telling my my Struggles and Inspirational Mental Health stories by being an advocate and a Different type of RELATABLE Resource to Educate, Inspire, Motivate, Use Humor, and Help Everyone with their Important Mental Health and so much more! By getting Rid of this Terrible STIGMA of Mental Illness, Deal with Acceptance and Opening Up about your Mental Health, Addiction, Suicide Thought, or whatever else is going on with you, to use many of my own Wellness Tools, and of course to use HUMOR as one of your Biggest Wellness Tool to Get and STAY Mentally Well! Through The 3 Amigos of Mental Health I show and Tell that you can Get and STAY Mentally Well just like I finally did which is now over 8 years and Counting. And no matter what is going on with you you can have Fun without making Fun of your Mental Health or anything else. And most Important I’m working so hard to get Rid of this Terrible STIGMA of whatever is going on with you that we are All CREATED EQUAL and for the many who are Suffering and Suffering in Silence also Deserve to have a Quality of Life as well!
So, The 3 Amigos of Mental Health is either you are Suffering with your Mental Health, Suffering in Silence, or Not Suffering at all with your Mental Health and my job through Education, Awareness, and Lived Experiences is to Help the ones Suffering and Suffering in Silence and Educate the ones Not Suffering to understand what it feels like and taste like to Suffer so they can be more Helpful and Supportive to their friends and family that do Suffer with their Mental Health and more so that All The 3 Amigos of Mental Health can be Good Friends (AMIGOS)!
I also work for a Psychiatric Hospital I was a patient at for almost 6 years as a Trained and Certified Peer Support Specialist and Care Coordinator by building my own Mental Health Career in helping so many patients of mine!
What I’m doing now since I’m still Mentally Well for over 8 years is Speaking and Performing The 3 Amigos of Mental Health everywhere and getting paid through doing Seminars, Webinars, and Podcasts by telling my stories and making it very Enjoyable, Cool, Humorous, Relatable, and so much FUN to talk about Mental Health. I have done several Mental Health TV Stories and a Great GOALCAST Video where they made me the Star and working hard to get on more major TV Networks to Tell my Inspirational Mental Health Story and trying to finish The 3 Amigos of Mental Health Book and get a Documentary and of course a Movie about my own Mental Health Story so I can become Nationally and Worldly known so I can HELP Billions of people with their own Important Mental Health and so much more by using All of my Amazing PASSION in Giving VALUE to HELP Others!!
So, this is my Most Important SUCCESS Story that has changed my life for over 8 years and I’m still MENTALLY WELL and HELPING So many people with their Important Mental Health and so much more and if I can do it SO CAN YOU!!!!
Educational, Motivational, Inspirational, Entertaining, Humorous, & MEMORABLE Maximum Impact Awareness Speaker Working on Touching and Helping Everyone Get and STAY Mentally Well!!
Our latest featured artist, April Angela Garcia, shares her story of mental health struggles over the years and how she uses art/creative work as an outlet to help manage her mental health symptoms.
“My name is April Angela Garcia. I Am 32 Years old from a small town in Texas. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with severe psychosis, severe PTSD, generalized anxiety and bipolar disorder. I also suffered from addiction and suicidal/homicidal ideation. I have been in and out of counseling from elementary years into adulthood. It is very hard for me to hold a stable let alone any sort of relationship. I always felt that something had to be wrong with me. Nothing or anyone ever lasted in my life because something was always going wrong. Most recently another suicide attempt landed me into a mental hospital. And although the events leading to my hospitalization were traumatic, going to the mental hospital was indeed a blessing. I learned about the characteristics of my diagnoses, warning signs and the triggers. After being discharged I brought along those techniques home and use them for my everyday life when I have what I call “My Moments”. It’s not easy I still struggle but I’ve come to put all that pain, aggression into passion of art. I found drawing and writing to be an outlet for me. Also, I use it as a platform to bring awareness of mental health. It has also given me ideas as to how I can help my own community for those that suffer in silence as I had and not to be afraid to ask for help or education on their diagnosis that some places fail to.
I hope and pray that I reach hearts today and give courage to those in the darkness to come to the Light and we come together as a family. As a Soul tribe with the goal of bringing awareness to the world of mental health problems and to break the stigma associated with these diagnoses.”
Even though, as a child, LisaDiana was happy, witty, creative and compassionate, she spent the last thirty years of her life suffering daily from undiagnosed co-morbid mental illnesses. Despite many hospital stays, psychiatrists’ visits, therapists’ visits, medications and treatment plans, the medical community never pinpointed what her brain chemistry issues were or created a treatment plan that alleviated her mental anguish.
It wasn’t until her life and health fell apart after an intensely traumatic two and a half years, did LisaDiana give up trying to live, let alone be a productive member of society. She retreated to her bed and hoped every night she’d never wake up while her family tried to find one more psychiatrist to treat her.
After being evaluated by a new psychiatrist, LisaDiana underwent a relatively new medical treatment and attended therapy sessions with a therapist trained in that treatment. After two months of treatment, LisaDiana began to recognize a positive change in her mental state and that was all she needed to summon up the remaining bits of resolve and determination to get better.
During months of treatment, therapy, cognitive re-training and medicine trials/titrations, LisaDiana revisited old hobbies that used to give her joy. Her two favorites were creating art and playing the flute. She was tentative, at first, because she couldn’t sight read and had no formal art education. But, one day, LisaDiana took out her simple art supplies and began to draw geometric shapes inside a large circle. Time passed in the blink of an eye and hours later, LisaDiana had drawn a Mandala.
Never having had self confidence, LisaDiana actually smiled as she gazed upon her drawing because she was filled with a sense of accomplishment and pride. She also noticed that, while engaged in the art creation process, her mind was calm yet focused. Her body was relaxed and her mood was light. This experience also gave her the courage to pick up her flute, after twenty years, and attempt to play a piece that she had played in high school. She noticed she experienced the same positive psychological and physical effects as when she was drawing.
After a few weeks of greatly enjoying art and music making, LisaDiana gathered the courage to submit four art pieces and a flute recording to an upcoming gallery exhibit. To her delight, all were accepted which just motivated her to continue to create and play.
When LisaDiana shared her experiences with her new psychiatrist, after exuberant congratulations, the doctor said something that LisaDiana reminds herself daily— “Art is Spirit”. It was then that LisaDiana realized in order to be in active recovery from her mental illnesses, brain chemistry, cognitive strategies, physical health and Spirit need to be treated simultaneously. LisaDiana continues to tend to her Spirit through the Arts.
Our latest featured artist uses humor laced creative work as a therapy tool to manage his mental health stresses. Please check out his website link below for some insight as to how to shift your focus from sully to silly.
Our next featured artist is Laurel Clark. She like others, is someone that has experienced trauma related to a family member that was not only mentally ill, but also had a co-occurring substance use disorder. She further explains how artwork was helpful in managing her thoughts/emotions below.
“My parent was an addict, but she also was severely mentally ill, coming from a cycle of severe abuse. The things I experienced will haunt me forever. I use art as an outlet to purge myself of the horrible thoughts, to re-ground with my experiences, and create something tangible out of the intangible turmoil and trauma I sift through within my mind, offering a glimpse of perspective as well as visceral reaction that is far too real for survivors alike. Not only is the goal of my art to showcase the morbidity, callous, and horror of being at mercy of others. But to start a conversation around these difficult topics, and also show that there is a way to convert this negative energy into something net positive for your life and well-being.”
The following is a slideshow and matching gallery of 11 pieces of her artwork along with titles and descriptions.
Our latest featured artist, Kevin Porter Osterhout, is a reminder to all that serious mental health disorders coupled with substance-use disorders (a common method to self-medicate) can have tragic consequences. A good support network of recovery resources and proper medication are essential requirements needed to elevate and maintain one’s recovery and their general sense of self-worth and well-being, but the reality is some do relapse for various reasons. A case in point is the story of Kevin Porter Osterhout. Kevin’s artwork was recently submitted by his family members to remind us that none of us are immune to the effects of serious mental health disorders especially when they are coupled with substance abuse disorders. But there is Hope and there is support for those in need even when one feels all hope is lost. Just reach out and connect to the people of NAMI and their vast pool of support connections. And remember even when the pain seems too much to bear you are not alone. Just reach out to the others in NAMI that have traveled similar paths in their struggles with loved ones that suffer serious mental health problems for they can give you the guidance and hugs you may need to not only get through your grief but to also activate a sense of peaceful acceptance of your loved ones passing within yourself. In time, you may be able to share the strength, wisdom, and empathy you gained to help others that face similar life traumas.
Kevin Porter Osterhout (June 9, 1990-August 30, 2020). In a relapse, Kevin died of accidental fentanyl/heroin poisoning, after many months of not using any substances and living well with his mental health difficulties. This work is submitted by his family.
Kevin Osterhout Art
Kevin Osterhout Art
Kevin Osterhout Art
To view more of Kevin’s artwork simply click on the weblink below
The aim of my work is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but to have an inward experience of peace and calm. While working, I entertain memories of my aunt and grandmother who taught me so much in life and who, incidentally, also had agoraphobia. While working on art, my mind stops the cycle of anxious, negative thoughts and brooding and focuses more on the beautiful thing I may be able to create.
Hi, I’m Bennett Karas. I work in metal to create chainmaille, jewelry, sculpture and other unique handmade items, inspired and informed by medieval arms and armor. My chainmaille is typically made of stainless steel, titanium or bronze, and in other alloys on request. I use a variety of weaves including Byzantine, European and Japanese variants.
My sculptures are constructed of wrought iron and steel, using both self-made and found objects. The metal is welded, tapered, planished, riveted and tempered to create one-of-a-kind pieces.
I begin to speak the truth on my mental reality state
Upon returning to the states after experiencing my first major psychotic break, I was pressured by both my parents to speak with a psychiatric counselor. I did so but only Very reluctantly- At the time, I believe I was being fed a strong daily cocktail of antipsychotic medication that slowed my thought process but did not eliminate the dark thoughts and memories that were now an embedded feature of my new “reality”. I should emphasize that my mental state upon leaving Thailand was very broken. Although, I did not speak on my thoughts- the truth is I only agreed to go back with my dad because I thought he was a secret government agent that would explain this altered reality on the plane ride back. If I didn’t hold this belief at the time, I would have surely fled back into the jungles of Thailand to be missing forever… It was only after weeks of searching with help of a Thailand private investigation company did my family even learn where I was physically and then were able to alert my dad to fly to Thailand and connect with me. Interestingly, I was able to communicate with the Thai Private investigation team that tracked me down years later while at an advanced recovery stage and they wrote a brief blog on their website as to my plight listed under case studies.
But getting back to the issue of my reluctance to share my personal thoughts with a counselor after being fetched from Thailand and moved to upstate New York is that I was terrified I would be placed in a psychiatric hospital indefinitely if I spoke my truth. So, I heeded my parents’ advice and went to counseling sessions but said nothing of my present mental state. I would speak on older memories that were difficult- the loss of a friend to a heroin overdose, my failed marriage, and other topics that I was ok sharing knowing they wouldn’t be thought of as Too strange, but I Never spoke on my changed reality state and the thoughts associated with this mammoth shift in my reality state.
Since I fully believed I would be locked up forever in a psychiatric hospital if I disclosed my thoughts, I secretly began the process of trying to figure out how to get out of my current situation at that time which was living with my mother and doing odd end jobs to make a few bucks here and there. It was then I came across an ad on the internet looking for English teacher to teach in China- no need to speak Chinese. I pulled together my school credentials and applied online upon which I was accepted- but I had no money to pay for a flight. I relayed the information to the Chinese teaching group that hired me, and they offered me a free flight I only had to show up at JFK airport on the right day time and I would be on my way to China to teach English. Of course, once I told the news to my mother, she was alarmed but she was powerless. I did what I did and off I went to China to teach English in an industrial town outside of Shanghai without knowing a bit about China- language, culture, nothing….
Of course, my first instinct once I got the green light and free flight to China was to quit all my meds and go it on my own and my preferred method to handle my disturbed thought process then was to drink it away. And drink I did – almost a full liter of Scotch from the duty-free zone while I was on the long plane ride to China that almost led the flight crew to turn the plane back to the states due to a passenger (myself) being severely intoxicated- Somehow, I did sober up enough before landing and met up with the Chinese man who recruited me- his first remark was he could smell alcohol but we continued to drive on to a sprawling Chinese city where I was to begin my teaching career. I was given keys to an apartment and instructions to meet up at a Chinese elementary school to begin teaching my classes. To say I was clueless now living in a foreign country coupled with a warped personal sense of reality is a huge understatement, but I muddled through the next few months making up classes ad lib and drinking away my nights until the English recruiter finally had enough of me and said leave. I was given a free flight back to the states and soon found myself in jail for public drunkenness and in desperate need of help. I called my mom and she helped me back to live with her under the condition I return to counseling. I did. As well, I began the process of communicating my real thought process to my counselor at the time. This gradual confession led to my current clinical diagnoses of schizophrenia, substance use disorder, and schizotypal personality disorder. I wasn’t committed to a long-term psychiatric facility after these findings, so I was happy about that, but it was only the first step in my recovery. A recovery that would begin with a series of major setbacks.
Creativity has been crucial to my well-being. When I’m manic I’m able to channel my racing thoughts and flight of ideas into my art and turn a negative into a positive. I also suffer from crippling depression at times which makes it impossible to do much of anything, but I’m proud of the work that I’ve been able to create despite my challenges.
My process begins with my camera, out in nature. When photographing I look for interesting shapes and strong images
This search is a distraction from my suffering and brings me peace. I then alter my images, using Photoshop. I intensify the colors and try to make the finished work even more profound. It makes me feel powerful to be able to alter the images to my own vision.
My name is Kristen Oles and have dealt with the struggles of dealing with Mental Health (Bipolar, anxiety) for over 27 years. One thing that has been extremely therapeutic from the beginning is making art. It’s very easy to start things, but sometimes it’s extremely difficult to finish and feel self-satisfied. There has been many times in my life, I have never been able to finish things and I’m very grateful the past few years to be starting and finishing things.
I have suffered from both serious medical and mental health issues since 1995, but I continue with my recovery efforts one day at a time. My recovery is most special to me because I have become closer to my children, and I am close to my 4-year-old granddaughter. As well, I am a artist that teaches collage making techniques to others in the mental health programs in Columbia County and at the public Mental Health Awareness & Creative Arts Gallery.
Art has played a very important part in my recovery journey with my mental state, which is what I’d really like to share. Mental health awareness is a topic that is talked about more now than ever before. I like to think of myself as a mental health advocate, because I’ve lived with my mental health issues most of my adult life. I feel like more needs to be done in access to treatment and help for those struggling with serious mental illnesses, I know from experience how some with mental health issues may feel reluctant to seek out help because of the fear and stigma associated with mental illness, but I also know how difficult it can be to find help sometimes when one may need help. I guess in short, what I am trying to say is that I would like to see a little less talk and more mental health reform before we become polarized about mental health problems.
I have been doing some soul searching today and thinking about some of my paintings and what they mean to me. Many of them are creations from within expressing my love for beauty, and others reveal the darker side of life I have struggled with for years, the painting titled utter madness is the one that I would like talk about. I just smeared the paint on the canvas trying to find some beauty and you can see the end result, so I originally titled it mania but over time I realized I am not sure if I ever experienced mania I don’t even know what mania looks like. I have experienced euphoria a couple of times though, so then I decided to call the painting escape because I seen a little black demand that appeared to be running away at the top of the painting. I signed and dated it each time I changed the title, but I didn’t like that title over time because it made me feel that I was trying to escape from reality, so I finally titled it utter madness and then put my thumb print on the back.
NEWS
Artist’s style is ever-evolving
Jennifer L. Manfrin
Correspondent
COSHOCTON – If you’d like to experience abstract paintings composed with the artist’s unique expression of vivid colors and intricate lines, you don’t have to go to a gallery in a big city. Throughout the month of April, the artwork of area artist Jim Huff will be on display at the West Lafayette Branch Library.
Huff’s paintings are in oil on canva and, though there is a landscape in the exhibit that includes 10 pieces, most are abstracts with unique plays on color and line.
Huff, who was born and raised in Coshocton County, was first inspired to paint when he was in elementary school in
Bakersville. He picked up painting again later in life, and enjoys it as a source of relaxation. It’s an effect that makes him feel as if “the cares of life roll away,” and the act of creating his artwork has a “therapeutic effect and encourages a feeling of peace of mind.”
In addition to teaching himself various techniques, Huff also honed his talent with the help of art instructor Twila Christner at the Tuscarawas Center for the Arts. He took classes on the basics of composition and painting in oils. He said his artistic style is ever-evolving.
Huff said he is also inspired by the many talented artists in the area, and is happy to have his art on exhibit at the West Lafayette Branch Library.
“I feel privileged to be given the opportunity to display my art along with the other talented artists in this series,” Huff said.
Branch manager Andrea Schweitzer Smith agreed.
“The branch library is fortunate to coordinate with talented, local artists to provide rotating, monthly exhibits of their original works,” said Smith, who has been coordinating the art exhibits at the library for about 10 years. “Art media are varied from watercolor, acrylic, oil, pastels, ink, pencil, wood and photography.”
And just as Huff’s artistic endeavors are therapeutic for him, Smith said art has a similar effect on the visitors.
“Exhibiting artwork at the West Lafayette Branch Library is a creative way for the library to contribute to its vision of providing lifelong learning opportunities for the community. Viewing art can also positively impact your health and well-being in boo
sting critical thinking skills and creativity, while lowering stress and anxiety,” she said.
ARTS
Local artists spotlighted at Tuscarawas County Center for the Arts
Staff Writer
The Times-Reporter
A gallery reception for the 14th annual Mid Summer’s Night Art Affair will be held from 7 to 9 p.m. Monday in the Tuscarawas County Center for the Arts, 461 Robinson Drive, SE. The show will highlight recent works in a variety of media and styles created by invited artists with a Tuscarawas County connection. Doug Huston will provide piano music for the evening and refreshments will be served.
Artists participating in this year’s event are:
Jeff Beitzel, Jane Brown, Susan Cramer Stein, Anthony Contini, Sherry Crilow, Sarah Dugger, Aubrey Gealsha, Mallory Gerstacker, Charles Graham, Betty Gribble, Hillary Hendricks, Jackie Holan, Kim Hohlmayer, Kiyoe Howald, James Oliver Huff, Catherine Kendrick, Bill Koch, Jordan Lewis, Skip Limbach, Nancy McDonald, Jasmine Mills, Vivian Mosley, Barbara Palmer, Kathleen Riley, Bill Shryock, Peggy Sibila, Stephanie Speedy, Joyce Stahl, Ginny Stocker, Jon Stucky, Yan Sun, Kyle Valentini, Don Weisgarber and Hong Yin.
Making Art is meditative for me. I paint to invoke strength and calmness into my life. That’s the reason why my Art is full of flowing lines and color, just like our lives.
I’m a visual and performing artist who lives with anxiety and depression. My drawings, performances, and animated shorts spring from that fundamental truth. I make art to build resilience. Drawing as a form of meditation is part of my daily practice. Four years ago, I started My Anxiety Project, launching the first series of drawings and performances at Dixon Place Theatre in NYC. I work primarily in ink, watercolor, and charcoal.
My art is an expression of who I am. My experience with mental healing and my pursuit of wellness feeds my body, mind, and soul, and thereby my art. Acceptance and encouragement make me happy. Conversely, being judged and criticized does harm. This piece ‘Mysterious Woods’ speaks of the mystery of life. Changes happen in multiple and simultaneous ways to all of us. I show multiple views of this tree scene to express my sense of a fractured but universal world view. This kind of serenity is what we can all feel regardless of our problems, disabilities, or psychological and emotional disposition. What we have in common is stronger than what divides us. Spending time in nature brings us to the awareness of our common humanity. Perhaps the joy I feel in creating my artwork can bring a sense of peace and loving commonality to the world.
To view more of Jesse’s artwork just click on the link below
Below is a video Jesse created that showcase his panel designs on exhibit at the New Rochelle Public Library for Black History Month. ‘Tracing Our Roots: New Rochelle’s Black History’ runs through March 4, 2023. Jesse gives thanks to City Historian Barbara Davis and NRCA for the opportunity.
Brian shares on his experience of “Self-Medication” as it relates to his schizophrenia and substance use disorder diagnoses.
As many people in the mental health community are aware, there is a positive correlation between substance abuse issues and neurodiverse/mental health conditions. Many people with mental health diagnoses ranging from depression, anxiety disorders, and schizophrenia commonly go through periods where they abuse substances whether it be alcohol, cocaine, heroin, or other inebriants to manage or quell the distressing thoughts, feelings, emotions associated with their mental health symptoms. In the field of psychiatry, this conduct falls under a theory of addiction called “self-medication”. In essence, the substance abuse problems stem from a need to ease their psychological suffering. And although this theory of addiction is complicated by the fact that there are often neurological changes due to the abuse of substances, the primary aim of the “addict” is to alleviate their psychiatric symptoms. SAMSHA or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration names this correlation between substance abuse and mental health problems as a co-occurring disorder.
As a person diagnosed with schizophrenia and substance use disorder, I’m no stranger to this phenomenon. Although I “partied” as a young man throughout college and my twenties, this behavior was in stark contrast to the self-medicative behavior that I began after my first major psychotic break in the year 2004 at age 39. As a young man, I drank and experimented with different drugs to experience a “high”. That is, alcohol and drugs served to improve my mood and eliminate personal insecurities and though I did drink excessively throughout my youth it was mainly because I lacked good self-esteem and I feared socializing with others. Alcohol or drugs in some cases alleviated this feeling of social anxiety in my younger years and gave me a feeling of personal power and invincibility. While under the influence of alcohol, I felt self-confident and able to pursue my dreams. Of course, the act of drinking to excess did result in serious consequences during this period in the form of dui arrests and other types of reckless behavior. I would go to rehab a couple times to help manage these problems associated with alcohol abuse and it helped in my earlier years. However, this drinking behavior differed vastly from the “self-medicative” type associated with my severe psychiatric issues that erupted in 2004.
In 2004, while traveling in Thailand I experienced my first major psychotic event. I believed my son and ex-wife had been murdered by terrorists and I had a complete nervous breakdown. After this emotional breakdown, my previous reality state vanished. I no longer knew who I was nor where I was as my mental state was suddenly saturated with delusionary thinking and total paradoxes as to the nature of reality. It was at this point that I drank to wipe out my thoughts entirely instead of trying to improve my mood. I ceased to drink for pleasure and instead drank vast amounts of alcohol quickly to escape my thoughts. On average I would drink the equivalent of 20-30 drinks early in the day to the point of blacking out. I continued this blackout drinking behavior for several years and during these years I would end up in more and more trouble since I would act out psychotically while in the throes of these blackout states. And although I managed to move from place to place, be it California, New York, China, the south, or other places, the result was the same. I would be either put in jail for public drunkenness and/or placed involuntarily into a psychiatric ward. This became a chronic pattern of behavior, and this period is well documented through e-mails my mother saved over these years describing one relapse and hospitalization after the next.
And one may wonder why after so many hospitalizations I couldn’t improve my mental state given the fact I was afforded aftercare psychiatric counseling and a daily regime anti-psychotic medication. The answer as many chronic psychiatric cases is not simple due to the clutter of varied circumstances both internal (personal) and external (the social environment). A clear factor, however, in my case and many others that experience serious mental health problems is social stigma as it relates to these aberrations of the “norm”. I will speak more on the topic of stigma as it relates to my personal mental health story for my next blog.
Happy 87 !!!
I just want to wish my mom a Happy 87 today !!! She not only gave me life but was able to see me Live again… So, kudos to you mom on this special day of yours !
Hello all. Simply put, Art has saved my life in a multi-faceted manner. I’ve been dealing with mental health problems for practically my whole life and was hospitalized three times along my journey to wellness. Unfortunately, my instability, from either having no medication or incorrect medication led to using hard drugs, jail time, and lifelong repercussions. For years, I rebuked, hid, and attempted to eradicate these “unsavory” parts of myself… I began making art again about 3.5 months ago, and shortly was diagnosed as having Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar type. I now have the correct medication to help my brain function as it’s supposed to. I now have over 100 paintings, and find any creative outlet becomes therapy, whether it be art, music, writing acting, has the complete potential to become therapy and heal the brain… As well as hearts. My neurodivergent brain led to an unconventional life, but I finally know who I am, and I have Art to thank for unlocking what I thought was lost. It’s incredible to feel joy again.
“Path of Least Resistance” It’s often difficult to find the right road to continue, or even start your way to stability, when the path shifts and hides, camouflaged by cluttered chaos in the mind. By venting through art, I can oust these confining thoughts onto canvas.
The most rewarding part of Art? The process of creating is therapy for me. The end result is therapy for others.
General Attitude Towards the Evolutionof my Art: From Start to Present
It’s funny. In some ways I’ve made a complete circle regarding my attitude towards creating art. Back in 1998 when I first started painting, my interest in psychoanalysis led me to paint quite quickly and then analyze and find unconscious imagery that came out of the deep recesses of my mind. Now over 20 years later, my newest work which I believe to be my best yet falls along similar lines. They consist mostly of color pencil drawings. While doing this work, I don’t think. That’s right…I don’t think. Well for the most part, I don’t. Sometimes I pause and think about compositional matters or specific color choice or most overall when there is a specific object to be drawn. But other than these fleeting matters, I’m drawing from as near I can from the unconscious. No decisions, no thought, just where the pencil takes me. This I find to be extremely liberating and produces work which many times turns out to be quite complex, but I’m producing them in auto-drive like the cars of the future.
“I make paintings and drawings that are like observations around a process of inner unfolding. The act of seeing itself holds many relationships between worlds, and I am interested in the boundary lines between them. How figuration relates to and interacts with mood and belief to inform and outline a more cohesive means for capturing a composition that means something to me. I want to strike a balance between my inner world and the physical world around me as a means of coming closer to that universal boundary that contains and shapes our shared human experience.”
“My goal in my work, as well as my life, is to heal myself and save the animals and the planet in order to find spirituality through nature.”
Susan Spangenberg (NYC, USA) started creating at the age of three. She is an untrained self-taught outsider artist. She prefers to create alone, in self-isolation. She uses art to cope with the symptoms of her trauma and mental illness. Susan believes in the power of transcendence through the arts, honoring the process more than the presentation.
Coming from a severely dysfunctional family which led to group homes and institutionalization in her teenage years, Susan cut her outsider artist teeth at Creedmoor Psychiatric Center’s renown ‘Living Museum’ art rehabilitation program. She was in the vanguard of the ‘Girl, interrupted’ female asylum artist wave that has in twenty years become the new normal, yet Susan has maintained the raw essence of that genre imbued with a twenty-first century sensibility.
Susan likes to incorporate text and writing into her art, including messages from her late twin brother Robert. There are also elements of spiritual symbolism from her East Indian ancestry, samples of her psychotropic medication and hand sewn fabric throughout her work. In her Spiritual Fabric Octopus Series, Susan substitutes the octopus for the Hindu Gods as well as Christ. She works in small and large-scale format encompassing textile, mixed media, painting and body prints. Susan never knows what she will work on next. She goes wherever her mood takes her.
“In my Spiritual Environmental Fabric Octopus Series, I substitute the octopus for the Hindu Gods as well as Christ. I started this work after a vision/hallucination of an octopus being crucified. Later on, I dreamed of the Hindu God Ganesh as an octopus. The hand sewn elements is a throwback to my childhood, taking my life back from my abusive mother, who refused to let me sew or be creative. Was it a symptom of my mental illness or was it salvation from God?…”
Ongoing Spiritual Environmental ‘Octopus Art Series’ is a mixed media art series of acrylic, marker, ink, with hand sewn tie dye fabric and button eyed octopus on canvas, unstretched canvas and fabric. Most of this series is done on 14″ x 14″ squared uniform canvas.
Susan Spangenberg is a member artist with the Living Museum and Fountain House gallery in NYC.
Loki is 47 years old, has been married for 23 years and is a father of 3. He is also a professional Artist, Designer, and Barber. As an Artist & Designer, Loki has supported many nonprofit organizations over the years through his fashion and art experience- either by being involved with charity fashion shows, fundraiser auction events, or live art performances.
As a Barber, he has connected with a wide range of community members throughout the Hudson Valley and encouraged them to use their haircut experience as a step towards better self-care.
As a Veteran of the USAF, Loki has experienced the trauma from tragic moments in our country’s history such as serving during September 11th attacks. What he has witnessed both as a military member of fellow service members who lost their lives, and as a US citizen who is from NY has left him with a diagnosis of PTSD. Loki can relate to the pain others feel from the loss of loved ones in and out of the military during the attack and subsequent wars- both in Iraq and Afghanistan.
He is also an artist, and his therapy for coping with those experiences is to be as creative as possible on a day-to-day basis. He hopes what he has shared helps other who have had similar experiences.
Loki’s motto and mission is “Love is the Key”. This stands for his passion to spread unconditional and universal love to others through his life’s work. You can view more of Loki’s art and design work at
Photography & Abstract Graphic Design is something that is both therapeutic and a coping skill for me, it brings me joy when I am out in the world and communing with nature or creating a new design in digital format. I have been working in the artistic field for about five years now, and I really feel pleasure from the feedback that other people give me, and how it feels to be at events, and getting my work out into the world.
